WHEN GETTING INVOLVED IN A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP(MOVING IN TOGETHER) YOU MIGHT THINK OF MANAGING YOUR OWN FINANCES.

A lot of people might get mad at me for saying this or thinking I'm trying to tell tem what to do. I'm giving advice that you have a choice to take. I am talking about the aspect of getting married and getting a prenuptial agreement. Especially if you are well off. There are times if you don't, you leave yourself vulnerable. When I say vulnerable, I mean if you share a checking account, your spouse or significant other can squander both of your incomes on frivolous things.  If your spouse or partner meets a home wrecker(Sorry if that is harsh but everyone won't have your interest at heart) your spouse or partner could save his or her income and dive into yours to spend on someone else's car payment or lingere. If you don't manage your own money and give someone else money to pay your rent, car payment or light bill, you might find your self in a homeless shelter with a reposed car. That or an eviction notice that your looking at while sitting in a dim candle lit room. Finally if you are very well off and you happen to meet a gold digger or fortune hunter you might want to get your prenup in order before getting married. If you don't have a prenuptial agreement you leave yourself vulnerable to an insincere spouse with dollar signs in his or her eyes. If you do have a prenup and you want to give your spouse some money fine but just watch yourself. If your in a relationship where you and your spouse pay half of everything down the middle then fabulous. My boyfriend and I do this.  If he runs low I will back him and If I run low he backs me. We have a system where everything is balanced out and things are not weighing too heavy on me or him. My eBook is still at amazon.com,  smashwords.com, bookdaily.com(Free chapter when you buy), and lulu.com
Booktango.com and myebook.com is still in waiting. Thank you so much for visiting my blog. I hope you have a great weekend and I will be back on Monday. Take care S.L. Melendez


copyright 7/31/15 S.L. Melendez


Faith
Acts 11:22-24
Acts 27: 21-25

MIND GAMES PEOPLE PLAY

There are different types of mind games that people play. Friends, family, spouses, significant others, and children test us. People play games out of the house because at home they are probably controlled by one or more people. When some people play mind games with you, it might be because you intimidate them or your everything that they are not. In relationships if someone is not serious about you they will play cat and mouse wanting you to chase them. A person will lie to you about stuff breaking your trust and wonder why your suspicious toward that individual. Some people will want different flavors of the week when it comes to finding a partner and being a commitment phobe toward that person. Some people might not really love you but are only looking for a step mom or dad. Some people are nice to you just to have a place to bathe, eat and sleep. When you don't do what they want the person becomes Hyde to you and shows true colors. A partner might deliberately flirt with others to make their partner jealous. thy don't understand it hurts the other person's feelings. A person might give 110% while his or her significant other gives only 10%. A male or female partner could be a regular mental manipulator always pressing just the right buttons to get what he or she wants out of the relationship. This is especially easy with someone who particularly has low self esteem or a low self image AKA a human doormat. A parent will use someone's kids against the other parent to emotionally hurt them. Especially, if he or she can get away with it.  Parents might not be there for their kids but want their kids to drop everything for them. A parent might play one kid's insecurities against a more confident, favored sibling. The parent  compares one with the other boisterous one. Giving  one sibling everything and not the others is a major mind game that causes resentment. Being a parent who complains about everything a kids does well up until he or she is out of the house and then even into adulthood. Nothing that person did was good enough. Telling a child/grownup that school I a waste of time is another mind game because what is a person's kid suppose to do stop learning and become a vegetable? Picking on physical characteristics of children can last a lifetime affecting self esteem and self image.  Mind games that coworkers and bosses place can be as followed: When either person becomes competitive with you. A person can be seen as weak by a boss and usually when he or she is viewed as weak a boss can take the chance to try and tell a person that he or she is not good enough. This usually stems from a bosses biasness. Other games coworkers play are when people nark you out for any and every reason. There are also people who try to sabotage the good work you do. People acting like they like you and five minutes later they send poison darts t you using their eyes. There are people who gossip about people and point out all someone's  flaws and imperfections wen thy don't count their own. When a coworker/boss acts like their way of doing something is perfect and your way of doing it is simply awful even though higher management  commends you every time they see you. Other games people can play are when your considered an outcast if you don't kiss tail or deal with drama.  Thank you so much for visiting my blog and I will be in contact pretty soon. My eBook is at these websites:
amazon.com, smashwords.com, bookdaily.com(free chapter with purchase) and lulu.com
booktango.com and myebook.com are being processed as we speak.


Faith
Acts 11:22-24
Acts 27: 21-25


Copyright 7/31/15  S.L. Melendez

BUILDING YOUR CONFIDENCE WILL CAUSE LADIES AND GENTLEMENT TO COME(No pun intended I promise)THEN AGAIN THEY MIGHT EVENTUALLY:)

In my life I have noticed that a lot of men and women love confident people. Men and women alike do not like people who are not self reliant at least for the most part. When people have game and believe in themselves, they exude a sexy confidence that can't be beat. The confidence that they exude is charisma which makes everyone turn around and take a second look. When people do not believe in themselves it shows. Its not a bad thing but life is too short not to be confident in ones self and his or her abilities. A lot of people in the world have pipe dreams, goals and aspirations. They want to do them but for one reason or another they don't. When they get older they regret not closing their eyes and making it happen. I think people should be more sure of themselves, pound their fist on their fears and have attitude of "I owe it to myself to give my goals and dreams my best shot at trying to go after them. Its not a given that you were meant to do that type of job, be with that person or find out maybe your not so good at what you tried. It is a given however that you WILL discover hidden talent, charisma and maybe one or two admirers you had because you started to believe in yourself more. Another fact that I have learned in my life is that when you are confident in yourself, you will draw the other confident people in the crowds. You can seriously establish work leads, friends, clientele and you can help build people up who are not confident in themselves. Your confidence is your inner light to other individuals. I have noticed that there is not enough listeners, compassion and empathy in the world. In conclusion I think confidence goes hand in hand not only with self love but compassion for others. If you love yourself more and your confident in yourself then a person probably will be less likely to hate, despise or see negativity in others. A confidant person will be more likely to see the world as a land of opportunity instead of a cruel wasteland. Its not to say this world is not a hard place to live in because I admit it is. The more emotionally filtered you are, the easier it is t live here in the big, scary but beautiful place called earth. Thank you so much for dropping by my blog. My eBook is still at the usual places and I am still waiting to publish my eBook at booktango.com and myebook.com. My power point presentation is now on my Blog at a post, its on twitter.com, Facebook.com and I put the URL that is on YouTube on Instagram. Please feel free to check it out and if you want to leave feedback or comments please do so. I would love to hear from you. Take care!  

ALLS FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR

Since some of my eBook is about love and relationships I thought I would type a post regarding the title I used ALLS FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR. I stumbled upon this title and I honestly think the comparison is interesting. To me its like comparing love and hate. Both emotions are forms of passion. I have always heard hate is a form of love and I believe it. To me its a form of dark, black love or black energy coming from someone who resents another person. When you love someone, I really mean true love, agape love, you basically throw all the rules out the window to stay in love or to keep that love alive. You will try to do whatever it takes to protect that person. You will do what you have to, to keep that person well. You will fight who you need to in order to make sure your love stays alive. Of course this goes for your partner giving you the same treatment. This would include moving long distance to nurture the love you have with someone. Moving long distance to be with a person you love takes a lot of mental and emotional strength. You sacrifice time that you can never get back to spend with your tribe/family/friends. You risk taking up loneliness and anxiety. Everything new is waiting to greet you and your not sure that you will be able to mesh with changes. For the brave folks who take the risk including myself who has been there, done that congrats to you. Also happy travels to those either traveling today or in the near future. Have a happy life to everyone moving before fall gets here. I moved here from AL 1,980 miles, back in 2009. It was a scary thing for me. It was majorly scary!! I did not know when or if I would fall on my face. I didn't find love right away. I found it a year later when I was on the verge of completely giving up. My point is, if you know it will make you happy, moving long distance is definitely worth the effort and sacrifice. Sometimes everything you need is waiting many hours from where you was living your life. The sacrifice you take moving is fair in love to keep it alive.
In all honesty if I had my choice, I would bring our troops home. I'm always wondering if they are okay. Personally there is nothing fair about them having to go to war. Keeping love alive is one thing but realistically when a soldier is fighting for his or her life, the last thing this person is thinking about is what is fair. In fact the soldier is probably thinking how unfair it would be if a terrorist were to kill him or her while there is a spouse or family at home waiting for them to come back home. I don't think this is fair at all!! In fact I absolutely hate death and I wish people would never have to die. Unless they are a zombie that kind of person scares me. I love ghost, vampires, werewolves/shape shifters, and aliens/robots but zombies creep me out:( Getting back on subject, the terrorist definitely don't seem to mind hurting our soldiers. When soldiers are protecting us, the rules should not be strict if our military is caught off guard trying to save us from people trying to kill them, and want to do the same to us. Military should not kill just to kill but if they anticipate someone going to try to do something bad to one of our soldiers, of course they will have to use their best judgment. I will never understand why there has to be war at any point in history. I understand someone, somewhere always wants power and to over throw someone. It would be wonderful if people could just get along. If the United States are defending themselves from terrorist, biological warfare or nuclear bombs to save or country, then yes to me that's only fair. All I'm saying is war, terrorism, chaos, and controversy troubles and saddens me. I hope and pray one day everyone in the world can actually get along and be at peace with one another. My eBook is still at amazon.com, smashwords.com, bookdaily.com(get a free chapter when you buy) and lulu.com. I am still awaiting approval for booktango.com and myebook.com. I should know some thing by this coming Monday. Thank you so much for stopping by my blog. I always hope you are doing well. Until next time I will talk to you soon:)


Copyright 7/31/15 S.L. Melendez


Faith:
Acts 11:22-24 
Acts 27:21-25

LIFE LESSONS IN BEING GOOD ENOUGH - Power Point

CHAPTER 2 BECOMING COMFORTABLE IN YOUR OWN SKIN: (MEN AND WOMEN LIKE THEM BIG, SMALL, THEY LIKE THEM ALL! (WHATEVER IT MEANS TO YOU)

So most of you are probably thinking "What can she possibly be talking about?" Even though I don't follow the many trends and fads that come and go, I do still keep my eyes and ears open to what people find desirable in choosing a mate. This post will discuss breast size, penis size, butt size and weight. Yes I jump around on my post topics because I am trying to keep things interesting. I am also trying to keep my audience wondering what I will post about next. I have ideas but they can definitely be subject to change at a moments notice. I will begin with weight. I hear a lot of people discussing weight and how everyone should try to reach their ideal weight. I agree with this but don't agree with it and here is why. I am currently watching what I eat because I am borderline diabetic. I DO NOT need to become diabetic. I watched my mom and grandma die from it and I do not want to die from it as well. I love life too much to end my life this way. I hear people say that people should be thin to the point where their bones can be seen. I hear others(men and women)say they should have meat on their bones. I hear some women say they want their guys to have meat on them while other women say they want their guy to look like a fitness trainer. I then hear guys say they want their guys to have a fit and trim physique but I see all weights in guy couples. I think it might be safe to say to each is his own. The women who I have met that were into women seemed to like their ladies for who they were, whole package and all. I feel like yeah a physical connection was good, but a mental and emotional connection was what they were looking for more than anything. My conclusion for this portion of my blog posting is this: yes a lot of people want someone who is physically fit and that's fine. On the other hand, most couples I know love and accept each other for who they are, flaws and all. I do think even if people don't get down to their ideal weight, they should try to at least get down to a weight they feel healthy with. Due to muscle, sometimes it can be hard to get down to 115 to 120 pounds at 5'1-5'3. Now we come to breast size. I have heard so many females say that they want their breast size to be bigger. I have met ladies who had big breast but had their breast size reduced. I have met guys who absolutely loved big breasted women and then I have met guys who did not mind that their wives or girlfriends had smaller breast. Sometimes these gentlemen were butt guys or leg guys. My point is that regardless of how you are built or what you are endowed with, someone somewhere will like or love you for who you are. You just have to find that person or that group of people. I call it a group because you never know, you might get married more than once. Keep in mind there are people out there who are able to see beyond the physical characteristics. I have met some of these people at least in my lifetime. They are very wonderful to know. We are all entitled to our opinion and to each is his own. Now I come to penis size which is a very sensitive subject for guys. I don't blame some guys for feeling inadequate about their penis size. A lot of men and women judge a person as a whole just by the size of their penis.(Example: a mans shoe size or hand size). Some people think that size matters and some don't just because they are more understanding. The people who are understanding again are able to look beyond the physical and love the person mind, body and soul. There is also the group that actually prefer smaller penis sizes. This group feels that bigger penises make them very uncomfortable when having sexual intercourse. The group who prefer bigger penises pick individuals who are well endowed. Their reason is because it is their sexual preference. Again, regardless of how endowed you are, there is always someone who is willing to accept you for who you are. Finding that special person is the next step. Finally, my last subject I want to cover is butt size. Some people actually get surgery to make their butts fuller. Some people, men and women have surgery to decrease the size of their butts. Personally I'm torn because I feel like this is a no win situation. Your accepted by some if you have a nice fuller butt. You are also seen as someone who needs to exercise more if you have a nice shapely, fuller butt. I think that regardless if you have a nice butt or you are completely flat, you should love yourself for who you are. The more confidant you are the more people will flock to you.


My next blog post is: BUILDING YOU CONFIDENCE WILL CAUSE LADIES AND GENTLEMEN TO COME(No pun intended I promise. Then again people eventually might:) ).


My eBook is still at amazon.com
smashwords.com
bookdaily.com
lulu.com


My YouTube presentation will be airing very soon.


Is there anything you would have liked to have seen in this post? Again thank you for stopping by and I will speak at you very soon. Thank you S.L. Melendez


Copyright S.L. Melendez 7/27/15


   

DATE YOUR PARTNER TWO OR THREE MONTHS BEFORE INTRODUCING HIM OR HER TO YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS.

Before you decide to really get into your serious relationship, you have what I call the introductory period. Its usually two-three months. This is when you are talking, dating, going on adventures and seeing if the two of you are compatible. (Keep in mind dating consist of whatever you and your partner decide to do. Don't let me stop you). In my opinion, I think this time period should be experienced first before introducing your partner to your friends and family. This is because at times friends and family sort of think they have dibs on you. You bring your partner around friends and family and usually he or she will be sized up. Old home wrecking crushes and exes could/will deliberately try to cause problems with the newbie. Your years old friends will sometimes try to whisper in you or your partner's ear not to move forward. A parent will automatically think he or she can bulldoze their way in between a person's relationship. If your partners parents are around, they might try to walk over your head like your partner is the boss of you, and vice versa with the roles the two of you play toward one another and with parents. Your partners parents might look at you like your crazy when you set them in their place. Friends might try to break you and your partner up taking them to clubs for a pick up. Yes all of this depends on how strong your relationship is, and how strong both of your wills are. Just know that no good can come from letting imposers into your relationship AT ALL! Keep in mind too that all that can very well happen after the two to three month introductory period. My point is though that after the two to three month introductory period of your relationship, you will have more of an idea of what both of you want out of the relationship. You both can decide if you want to take a bigger step and meet everyone, or if you want to cut things short and just go your separate way. If you introduce your partner to a big group of people, its like throwing them into a turbulent ocean and letting them sink or swim. It creates friction with all loved ones and everyone will think they are allowed an opinion. When everyone gets an opinion this can mean there is a loss of control in what direction your relationship will go. Yes they get an opinion to a small degree, but it should be later not sooner. If that opinion is obnoxious it should be taken with a grain of salt or boundaries should quickly be set.


 My new eBook is still at:
-amazon.com
-smashwords.com
-bookdaily.com(Chapter 1 is free)


-booktango.com and myebook.com are both in the process of publishing my eBook. More news about these two platforms is soon to come


 As always I'm glad when you stop by. My post are about issues that I really think are important when it comes to relationships and human dynamics. I would really love to hear any feedback, comments or topics that you would like to share with me. Thank you and have a great day S.L. Melendez


Copyright 7/26/15  S.L. Melendez

OUR "SERIOUS" RELATIONSHIP. SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I RUN?

So you get into a serious relationship where you are claiming each other as bf/gf. The newness is very exciting and sometimes can make you feel apprehensive. If you absolutely feel like this person could be your soul mate, then take your time and take each day as it comes. Try to get to know this person's likes and dislikes. Get to know this person like the back of your hand if possible. I understand that might be close to impossible at times because you really don't know someone 100%. Compatibility and chemistry play a vital role on if there is staying power in your serious relationship. When I describe a relationship as serious, I mean that the relationship becomes more exclusive with only you and your partner. I mean that your no longer a flavor of the week(Not that you might have been before). There are a lot of people who prefer dating more than one person, and that is fine if someone is okay with that. So the two of you really get along. You appreciate your similarities but also do not mind your differences. In fact, your differences a lot of times compliment each other. They usually tend to be the very thing that you need in your life. An example is if you are bad at math but your partner is a math genius. So here are the pro's of staying in the relationship that you and your partner declared serious.

1. Your partner can compromise in matters and everything does not have to be about him or her.
2. Your partner tends to not be selfish and has no problem sharing food, a bed. money for rent, bills or anything you might momentarily lack.
3. He or she calls you or text every lunch and at least one 15 minute break to let you know you are thought of. 
4. If you don't have a car, he or she takes you to work, school, or where you need to go. Sometimes even if it cuts into their sleep before work.
5. Your partner eventually introduces you to friends and family and most of them like you.
6. Beautiful people walk in front of your partner and your partner seems totally oblivious to the person's gorgeousness.
7. When you dress up, your partner's eyes light up like your the most beautiful person in the world.
8. You share a mental and emotional connection.
9. Your partner actually wants you to come to lunch with him or her on breaks and wants you present when the two of you want to go somewhere.
10. Your partner will help you with projects and endeavors that you might find hard or scary.
11. Doing something generous like driving an hour just to make sure your okay and get home safe when you have poor night vision(True story). My bf did that for me and he still would if I asked him.
12. Does things to nurture your dreams or to make you happy.(True story, bought me a keyboard to learn how to play).

Then there are the things that will make a lot of people run and its understandable why.

1. Lies to you about anything and everything.
2. Keeps secrets about the opposite sex(flirting, chatting on porn sites or flirting with other people).
3. Flirts with people in front of you.
4. Lets his parents talk down to you.
5. Mistreats your kids and does not want kids.
6. A partner is a commitment phobe.
7. Comes in, eats all your food and expects you to support him or her while not contributing to the household.
8. Wants to dip hands into you bank account while saving their money.
9. Ask for money often but if you need money, low and behold the person just so happens to be broke. A day or so later, you witness the person buying something expensive or just something in general. I'm sorry I just think this is wrong!
10. Your partner ignores you or does not care about your needs.
11. Your partner is a commitment phobe but does not want you seeing other people either.
12. Your partner does not support your ambition or the fact that you want to get your education.
13. If your partner does not take up for you at least sometimes when someone bad mouths you.
14. Unless a person is allergic to animals they don't like pets. Its not really a bad thing because that is just the person's preference. It does make things easier if someone's partner likes pets though.
15. If a person tries to take you away from your friends and family so you will be isolated all by yourself. Some friends will try to be sneaky, condescending home wreckers because of jealousy. I can understand why a partner would try to get their partners away from individuals like this, but to isolate someone because of greed is ridiculous!
16. You partner hits you or is in anyway abusive. No one deserves to be mistreated.
17. Your partner stalks you when your away from home. If your cheating and give your partner a reason to have the cast of CHEATERS to follow you that is a different story.

This brings me to another point and that's if you or your partners parents or friends stalk you to dig up dirt on either of you.


 My next blog is called: DATE YOUR PARTNER 2-3 MONTHS BEFORE INTRODUCING THEM TO YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY.


This way you can get a feel if you want to spend more time with your partner.  Doing this will let the two of you see if things will be positive or negative after the introductory period. This next blog posting will go hand in hand with this current posting you just read. My eBook is still at the same websites as my previous postings:

• bookdaily.com(get a free chapter before you purchase)
• amazon.com
• smashwords.com
• booktango.com and myebook.com are in the works of becoming finalized.

Thank you so much for dropping by and have a great day!!


Copyright 7/26/15 S.L. Melendez

YOUR RELATIONSHIP CAN END PREMATURELY BECAUSE OF MIND GAMES AND YOUR CELL PHONE.

It can be a challenge when you start dating someone new. You want everything to be as close to perfect or with as little problems as possible. Your dating and everything is okay. You start noticing little behaviors and things that might cause problems in your relationship. Some things you try to turn a blind eye to but two of them are hard to ignore. The two I am referring to is when someone guards a cell phone, staring at it all the time and acting secretive with it. The other thing is when someone tries to get to know someone and that partner seems to be playing mind games with that person. These mind games sort of go hand in hand with someone always whipping their cell phone out at various times of the day. Here are some more examples of what I am talking about. When two people are dating and trying to figure out their compatibility, one individual keeps staring at the cell phone. The person's staring is like the individual is mesmerized by it.(Some might be:/). If someone is trying to get to know someone, and the other pays more attention to the cell phone, the person making an attempt will feel like he or she is boring.


A cell phone watcher displays poor listening skills at times during a conversation with someone. A person will think a cellphone watcher is married with kids or a player because the cell phone is guarded with the owners life. A cellphone watcher can be perceived as someone who is uncommitted to a future relationship. Someone might think a cell phone watcher loves the phone more than him or her. Not everyone wants a cyber bf/gf. Most I feel still want human affection and love. Even though this isn't really a bad thing, cell phones give people less power to call the shots when people are dating. A person does not want to talk or hang out the individual will either let it ring, turn it on airplane mode or simply turn it off. If someone is not are that serious about being in a relationship but the person that he or she is dating has a jealous streak, she could go through your phone and use your previous personal business against you. Its not that person's right to do that but some people do attempt to do it though. If someone is on a trip and forgets the battery charger that person could get accused of cheating going the whole weekend without calling. It is up to the partner to decide to charge the cell phone in the car. Who knows if there is even a cell phone car charger in the car or not. This could lead to one of the individuals thinking that he or she is not being taken serious. If you are in a similar situation of feeling like your not being taken serious because its still a fairly new relationship, stay tuned for my next blog:


OUR "SERIOUS" RELATIONSHIP. SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I RUN?


My eBook is still on:
amazon.com
bookdaily.com
smashwords.com
lulu.com for $2.99 and will remain on these website platforms.


My eBook is coming soon to:
booktango.com
myebook.com
bookbub.com for $2.99


Later it will be at barnesandnoble.com


Until we meet again take care and I will talk to you soon.


Copyright 7/23/15 S.L. Melendez

GOD PUTS PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE FOR VARIOUS REASONS

 I have had the blessed opportunity to meet people from all walks of life. There is a lot of people who will probably disagree with me when they read through my this post. For those who really know me they will know that I love Shakespeare. I really love plays and musicals. My top five musicals I love in this order are as followed: Cabaret, Chicago, Burlesque, Rocky Horror Picture Show and Grease. With plays I love Romeo & Juliet, A Midsummers Dream, Hamlet and The Glass Menagerie. My point of bringing these things up relating to performing arts is this: With Shakespeare quoting that life is a stage and we all play a part, at least for me I think he was on to something. As I said in my previous post, I am a spiritualist. I was baptized as Southern Baptist. I take that part of my religious beliefs serious. I can't put my whole belief system into being a Baptist though because of my life experiences. I have seen and heard way too many extraordinary things not to believe in spiritualism. Yes the people who don't believe in ghost, spirits, God and various energies might claim I am crazy or eccentric. I am just a little eccentric because I don't like to think and be trapped inside the "normal box". There is way too many things, people and places in the world to be confined. I am a person who can agree to disagree. I make a rule to always ask "what if" when new tings are presented to me. I really do believe we are here to learn lessons. I sort of believe that when we become spiritually perfect or divine, that is when we probably won't have to reincarnate anymore. I am not pushing my beliefs on anyone at all either. I am throwing my beliefs out in the universe though. The reason is because I have met a lady who claimed I was her daughter and I know for a fact I never met her. This was not a bad thing at all,in fact I thought it was fascinating. She was about 80 years old give or take, maybe younger. Back then I was 21 to 23 years old. My mom and grandma were the only ones that primarily raised me along with my stepdad. I am choosing to think she was not senile because she seemed pretty sure. I conclude maybe she was my mom in a past life, at least before I was born in 1978. I have met some people who I feel I met before or dreamed about. I know that I did not meet them in this life but we clicked like we did meet. Again this is why I believe in reincarnation. I have read many books regarding soul mates, twin flames, kindred spirits, primary soul mates(People who play major roles in our life: Dad, mom, teacher, mentor ect).  I do believe that before we are born, at one time or another, each person we know plays a big or small part in our life was supposed to do so. I feel somehow like maybe two or more people come to the agreement that a lesson was supposed to be taught to or learned by the other(s). I admit at different points in my life I wanted to be a teacher or a professor. I wanted to teach people and try to bring out the best in them. I am a firm believer in serendipity(A fortunate accident).I LOVE the movie Serendipity because it is so interesting.  I think that the individuals who play major roles in our life, were strategically placed. They were placed at precisely the time when you needed them and possibly when they needed you. I think it might be because everyone could be lacking something necessary for their existences. Here are some examples: Maybe a persons parents didn't believe in them, but the grandparents taught the person that the sky was the limit.  Another scenario is If someone grew up with only a mom or dad compensating for both roles of each parent. Mom or dad, that parent probably tried to prepare the child with everything needed to go out in this crazy but amazing world. An ex boyfriend or girlfriend broke someone's heart bad when the person was young. The individual carried that hurt through life for many years. The person later confront that ex only to find the ex really shows no remorse.  The ex really has not changed that much. This individual is still doing the same thing that was happening years ago. In the meantime the person who had a broken heart met two or three great people to alleviate the hurt. Finally the huge thorn is removed. Why was it removed? Two soul mates found each other in the process of hitting it off with one of the three nice people. What happen to the heart breaker? The person is still breaking another person's heart and spirit. The person might have actually decided to settle down too, who knows?

I believe that sometimes people who have had a hard life might have kids because they were meant to. Those very precious kids were brought into people's lives for reasons. They were also getting ready  to fulfill their destiny. Some of those reasons might be to put people on the straight and narrow path. Other reasons were due to karmic cycles from the past. Maybe one or more people killed someone, robbed someone or something and each person has to pay a debt off. This probably has to be done before a person can move forward. Some people might meet because even though they have kids or marry one person, they might be destined to be with someone else later. I have also concluded that everything that happens in our life happens for a reason. It happens to prepare us for what we might be dealing with later down the line. Half of me believes in fate and destiny. The other half of me is not sure about if our fate and destiny is a sealed deal. Do we actually get some choices in how our life turns out. I think we do to a point but its hard to tell. I say this because I think of how innocent people are raped, beaten killed, or they are in Final Destination type of car pile up. I think to myself surely this can't be meant to be for them:( I do believe sometimes people might be killed on accident. These are things that make me say WTH? I do also believe even if there is a time when someone is taken too soon from your life, whether its a break up or a death, those very people could have been a season. Death is hard for me as with most people. I'm primarily referring to relationship breakups. A child or mom who dies shortly after the child was born is sort of what I am talking about. For a child to die so quickly, I think it maybe was born in a body that was not suitable for it to sustain life. Maybe the child was supposed to teach the mom how to love, and was finishing a short amount of work to move on to higher existence. The mom dying might have happened because her work was done in her life. She was meant to meet her sweet baby for just a short time. Its sad if that is the case but the reasons are endless. Again with breakups the people who exit out of your life could be preparing you for the person your meant to be with.
In conclusion these are the reasons I think we meet people or we are placed with people in our life. To learn to love again, grow, teach, inspire, to think, to become open minded, to become tolerant of other peoples faults, to stop hating and being ignorant, at least for me to believe in God more as well as trust his will. To live in the world but be careful not to be so of the world. It can be hard not to though.


My next blog will be posted pretty soon in about a day or so. I want it to be a surprise with what its about:)


Thank you for stopping by. I cherish each and everyone of you! My eBook is still on these websites but will be getting ready to be put on some new platforms soon. I will post this information once my eBook is on these websites. In the meantime:
Smashwords.com $2.99
Amazon.com $2.99
LuLu.com $2.99
BookDaily.com $2.99




Have a great day! Yours truly S.L. Melendez


Copyright 7/21/15 S.L. Melendez

FORGIVENESS:WHEN TO KEEP ASKING FOR IT AND WHEN ITS TIME TO WALK AWAY AND NOT LOOK BACK.

Asking someone for forgiveness can be a very hard thing to do. It really depends on the situation that people are in. It also depends on the severity of what happened between the individuals. In this blog I divided it into two parts. The first part covers examples as to why a person should keep asking another for forgiveness. The second part of this blog covers when it is time to walk away from the situation. To begin, if a parent was hurt in some manner by a child or family member, it is appropriate to ask for forgiveness more than once. The parent was affected in a very negative way the individual's overall well being. Other examples can include a child running away, or stealing from a parent. A person hurting a sibling mentally, physically or emotionally abusing the sibling can be added to the list. A person who decides to do something bad to a friend because of seeking revenge or just to be spiteful for personal reasons. Sometimes when people do bad things to others, depending on what the situation is, their actions will probably have serious repercussions. If someone accidently kills another person's pet, whether it is a pet of a family members, friends or a stranger, the impact will effect a lot of people. Something like this, along with the above examples, can hurt people in more ways than one.
 A very drastic example of when it would be extremely hard for someone to forgive is when someone accidently kills another person's family member/loved one. If someone accidently or deliberately killed one of my loved ones, I don't think I would be able to forgive them. I'm being honest and I am not claiming to have all the answers but once someone is gone its forever. I do believe in reincarnation but that is a whole other conversation that might take place as a wild card blog. A person became drunk and had an affair, only to realize it was a very stupid and trust breaking mistake. The spouse or significant other has a choice whether to forgive or walk away. It depends on the love both people have for one another. It also depends on the initiative the individual has to want to save the relationship. Next is when a parent leaves a child with a "trusted" babysitter who turns out to molest the child. The child grows up and blames the parent for having being left alone with the babysitter. The child will never be the same and most likely not know how to forgive the parent. The parent will probably always carry life long, locked away guilt within. This situation depends too on if its a dysfunctional, domestic violence type of situation too. A parent might know something is going on but turns a blind eye toward the situation. When people are trying to fight their personal demons, those same demons affecting them will also effect others around them. Different types of demons individuals could be trying to conquer are as followed: alcohol use, drugs, gambling, overeating, depression, promiscuity, stealing,  the list goes on and on. When a parent deserts a child or children the effect can have last results. This situation can cause a child to wonder why the parent left and give the child a fear of rejection and abandonment complex. This complex the child carries through life will most likely affect all of the person's personal relationships.  The parent could come back into the child's life and ask for forgiveness so the relationship can possibly be repaired. When an ex sister-in-law or brother-in-law- deliberately keeps someone's  nieces and nephews away until they are grown up. The ex sis or brother in law acts like nothing went down. The in law then acts like the both of you are supposed to skip off in the sunset holding hands. Sorry I don't think so! A person can never get those years back and the in-law does not understand that you were cheated out of getting to know them. When siblings or family spend a number of years fighting like crazy to be in your life, only to find that when all of you are older they pull a Houdini and act like they don't want  to talk to you, it causes you to scratch your head. You will definitely wonder what went on there. When someone accidently wrecks a person's car, the person with the wrecked car is surely not going to forgive easy.  When a person breaks someone's heart so bad that it breaks the person's trust. The heart broken individual will most likely develop trust issues and this person will most likely have a hard time forgiving the person heart breaker.



Category 2:  When someone should walk away and give up on trying to obtain forgiveness.
Again, this is my personal opinion and each person's situation is different.  If someone won't forgive you but claims they are a good person. True, they might be a good person but  I consider this very hypocritical. How are you suppose to not forgive but expect God to forgive you? Not only that but the person who refuses to forgive seems not to understand that there is no such thing as being perfect, their crap stinks like the rest of us and everyone makes mistakes. Next is when people keep throwing your past in your face or they seem to enjoy holding something over your head. To me I find that very juvenile and a person does have to take this treatment. This is especially true if the individual is sincerely sorry for their mistakes. Someone has to want to forgive you but DO NOT  be a victim to their emotional b.s.  Next is when someone forms an unnecessary vendetta against you and refuses to hear what you have to say about any situation. This type of situation usually happens in the workplace.  In other words, a person forming a bias against you for one or more reasons and it usually happens because of brown nosed people whispering in the boss's ear.  When this person does this, its because he can or due to having a negative attitude toward everyone in life. When someone does things to you over and over and acts like its okay. You do something and that person plays the hypocritical victim. Another example is when you are mad at a group of people so much you decide to take your life back. By taking your life back, you decide to start your life over or you decide to disappear. When you did no wrong but your the bad guy for standing up for yourself or your loved ones. As times people tend to not like brutally honest, straight shooter people who calls it like they see it. There will be times when you barely know people but they act like you did something wrong to them. These same people act like there is something about you they don't like. Walk on and don't look back. Life is too short to stop and try to figure out these situations. However, if you must know what this group of individuals are thinking, I have a chapter in my new eBook dedicated to knowing why you meet certain people and what role they might end up playing in your life. Everyone you meet at one point or another will most likely teach you a life lesson. Some will be hard lessons. Some will be lessons of courage, wisdom, humbleness, understanding. The lessons are in my opinion ongoing. To learn more about why we  cross paths with people/why God puts people in our life go to Smashwords.com, Amazon.com, BookDaily.com, and Lulu.com.

I am still researching platforms to put my eBook on. My eBook is still a very affordable $2.99 in American dollars. My blog might seem a little vague. However, all the juicier details are in my eBook. If I was a stranger and I read my own blogs, they would definitely spark my curiosity. I type these blogs because as I said on my author page, I want to reach as many people as possible. I am proud to have the opportunity to share the wisdom and life knowledge that I have obtain in my life experience with all of you.  I am still learning lessons myself along with everyone. I am glad I get the chance to reach your eyes and ears even if its through a computer blog and social media. I am confident though that my eBook will be one that about 90% of people who read it, will be able to relate to it. I am positive it will inform, inspire and motivate most people who read it. Until we meet again have a great evening/morning. COPYRIGHT 7/19/15 S.L MELENDEZ

DON'T LET OTHERS STEAL YOUR JOY!

So I haven't been on for a couple days. Its not that I didn't want to, I think I sort of had mild writers block. First and foremost, I absolutely hate when people try to steal peoples joy for any reason. Its wrong on so many levels and what gives people the right to be able to do so?  I'm a firm believer in living and let people live. There are so many ways that people will try to steal your joy. Personally I love to sing. I have had some people tell me that I have a beautiful voice and then I have had people to say "You can't sing....stop trying to be a want to be!". Guess what? I still sing because I love it Plus I'm learning to play keyboard and I absolutely love doing so. I love music in general. To me it tells many stories if you really listen to it! At the time when I was told I could not sing, I made sure I raised my voice to purposely sound like crap and to see that person grimace lol. If I had my way everyone in the world would not have any problems to worry about. They would not have struggles, fears, suffer pain or disease. I can dream can't I? I am very much a realist but I have also been called a dreamer and I wear that title proud. Yes John Lennon's song Imagine is one of my very favorite songs. He had the right idea when he sang that song and he had such a beautiful voice.  There will be a multitude of people who will try to steal your joy and happiness. I promise you this and sometimes they might not even have a reason to do it.  They will be doing it just because they can. People tend to steal joy from individuals they view as weak.  These types of people try to make you unhappy because they are unhappy about things or people in their life. When some people see that you have your life together, they will try to destroy what makes you happy. They will take their hate out on your material things, your significant other(trying to steal him or her away from you) or damage your car.  There are people who might try to get you hooked on drugs or  begin drinking to drag you down. Your enemies will always try to steal your joy. This is because they don't like seeing you happy when they are miserable. If you are heavy and trying to exercise and job, people sometimes make fun of you. This is sometimes when they see you helping yourself. For some evil reason they will laugh at people which to me is very ignorant.   I have had people make fun of me when I was out in Boise. That is why I don't go to a gym and  I exercise at home. I want to be somewhere where I don't have to be judged, pointed at or stared and laughed out. I'm sorry but stuff like that its very wrong to make people feel bad about themselves. Trust me, most people know what is wrong with them selves without having to constantly remind them of it. Some people have built in filters but some people can be fragile. It doesn't help that various forms of media are always point out what is wrong with both males and females. My heart goes out to men and women who think they are ugly, when they are in fact drop dead gorgeous! I think most people are beautiful but its their heart and spirit I'm primarily attracted to. Anyways to me its wrong for people to make fun of people trying to lose weight and they are laughed at and ridiculed. Its downright sad and the rudest thing you can do to someone. I see it like this, if someone decides they want to improve them self by becoming proactive then right on! When I see them doing something about their weight I high five them. I tell them I'm proud of them and keep up the good work. You can see that you brightened up their day just a little bit. You planted a seed of motivation and maybe they will get up the next morning and try to lose weight again the next day and day after that. They will ask themselves if he or she can try for another day. If the individual does decide to attempt exercise another day, its not only done for himself but probably for others. This group most likely consist of a significant other, a parent, a child, a loved one in general. I hate when people are made fun of or ridiculed. I love the saying "Don't blow someone's candle out to make yours brighter". Its true and it has so much meaning with human dynamic. If you are really tall, thin and pretty, and other women are snarky toward you possibly because they are jealous, pay no mind to it. Enjoy being who you are because you were born in the body you were born in for a reason.  I admit I have seen tall beautiful ladies with long legs. I'm 5'1 and I could only imagine what its like to be tall. I have been 5'1 since I was in 8th or 9th grade. I'm 37 now. I feel as young as 25 but I'm at that maturity level. Same goes for the short ladies. Your just as beautiful and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise!  Whether your a taller or shorter man, be happy with yourself. Same as if you are lean or on the heavier side, we are all beautiful in God's eyes. Another thing I wanted to cover in this blog is open to try new different things. If you are a guy who enjoys doing artistic things like ballet, dancing, art, drawing, crocheting, cooking, cosmetology or interior design, by all means do it and ENJOY it! Don't let people try to steal your joy or say mean, biased, slurring things about it while ridiculing you. I think more guys should try feminine or artistic things. I do not see anything wrong with trying to learn to fix a car, flat tire, putting things together and repairing things. I have taught myself a number of things that are considered to be more masculine than feminine. Here is a list of what I am talking about: Changing a spark plug in a push lawn mower, working on the inside of my car hood(minor things like checking oil, refilling window wash fluid, refilling my antifreeze, changing the battery in my car, charging my car battery with my car charger, checking air in my tires, changing a tire, spraying my cars serpentine belt. Aside from doing minor things with a car,(I had a 95 Chevy Camero that was red with black trim. Caused me so many problems I called it Demona because I think she had evil gremlins living inside her) I put together a platform bedframe, wooden bookcase, a small rolling grill(okay the handle was put on backwards but it still rolled:)) and two different elliptical riders. My point is if you want to learn to do something bad enough,  man or a woman don't let anyone tell you that you can't. If you enjoy doing something, don't let someone tell you your not allowed to do it. If people make fun of you, ask yourself if they are really your true friends. If family is making fun of you trying to steal your joy,  then you have two choices. You can stay around and listen to them or you can walk around them and continue doing things to make yourself happy. Another way people will try to steal your joy/happiness is by  doing something to your car. Like clockwork if you buy a car, someone will eventually try to vandalize or scratch it. Its not so much that they are jealous of the car but because you are who you are. They take their dislike for you out on your car. These folks can't get away with assault but when they sneak and attack your car at night because they are cowards, what does it say about their low life character? If your car is especially extravagant, kill joys will take their envy out on your car just because they don't have the same thing. It is sad that there is so much hate in the world. If you find the person who did it,(Damage to a car) press charges and take them to court. Its not right to do that to people. Someone will always be there to try to steal from you whether its your bf/gf/ or material things. Some people will do it just to see if they can get away with it. I don't understand why there must has to be so much hurt go on in the world? My family had a little dog that was part terrier and what looked like part Chihuahua that someone actually stole. The important thing is  under no circumstances let anyone steal your joy and happiness from you. Continue holding your head up and moving on. I have found in my lifetime, when people don't know that they hurt you, they don't know what to do or how to react. Depending on the situation that you and another person are in, having your joy stolen from you could lead to long time ill feelings and grudges. Both of these could result in an angry exchange of words. I admit there was times in my life when I was extremely pissed off a number of people. I did not think I would ever get over my grudge, or that I would ever be able to forgive these individuals. I could not bring myself to try to make amends with them. Speaking of which.. If you would like to hear more tips on trying to make amends with people and what time is the right time to  walk away from those who refuse to forgive you, go to: 

 Smashwords.com and purchase my eBook for the VERY AFFORDABLE price of only $2.99. My eBook can also be found on Amazon.com, Lulu.com and BookDaily.com for now for $2.99 as well.

 I am currently researching other venues and platforms to market my eBook. I will keep everyone posted. I might post my next blog later tonight, early morning and I might not. I will announce things on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Thank you for visiting and have a great day. Until we meet again take care.


COPYRIGHT 7/17/15 S.L. MELENDEZ

WANT YOUR MARRIAGE TO WORK? STAY AWAY FROM EX'S, HOMEWRECKERS AND GAME KILLERS

So you and the love of your life finally get married and everything is fine for a year or two. The bliss starts dwindling, though you still love your partner more than anything but now what? Your mind is racing off and on and you ask yourself what can you do to keep the fire going?


Knock knock) "Who is it" You or your spouse ask. "Its me, your ex, home-wrecker, or game killer(wife or husband's up-stager). You or your partner replies: "My spouse isn't here right now. I can't really hang right now because I'm busy". (Ex, home-wrecker, game killer)-"But...but...but...what, your love has you under lock and key or can you breath with that tight leash around your neck?" "You should not have to give up your female or male friends if your marriage is as stable as both of you claim". "Let's go out to the movies or talk sexy and flirt behind your partners back". "Make sure you spray the house so your spouse does not smell perfume or cologne". "Also erase yesterdays text messages in case your spouse checks your phone". "I have known you for six years before your partner so its okay if we sneak around without you spouse's knowledge". "By the way, let me remind you I'm a good guy/girl of Christian values. (No offense to any religious people because I'm a God fearing Baptist and Spiritualist)(I'm only making a point I promise!). "It does not hurt to cyber flirt behind your spouses back". "If we tell your spouse it will hurt his or feelings".  "Oh! By the way you should come visit me in my state but don't bring your wife /hubby. It won't get out of hand".
 Next thing you know the hubby or wife meet up with the ex or the home-wrecker  and OOOPS they both trip and fall on each others "HELLLLLO!!!"  I know some folks that were in this type of situation and it turns me into a seething volcano. Its not right or fair to do people like that at all. Ex's are ex's for reasons.
Okay they might be a babies mama or daddy. Fine! But you guys went your separate way for a reason and those people had their chance to be with you. You have to remind yourself that you been there and done that. It didn't work. You also have to remind yourself why you are even thinking to taint the relationship you took an oath to honor in your present marriage. This is especially true if you genuinely have plans to spend the rest of your life with your spouse. To me it seems like some people don't take marriage serious anymore. That kind of milestone is precious to me. Again, like I mentioned in yesterday's blog, Its not that I don't want to get married because I do. I just want to make sure that the commitment is with both of us for the long haul. We are both playing for keeps.
With home wreckers, they can come as male or female. They are usually again babies mamas or dads. They can be a tempting piece of eye candy if you and your spouse cease to quit having sex. I say this because there will always be home wreckers in the shadows. They lurk in the shadows waiting to sabotage most relationships that are happy. Home wreckers usually pop up like the toy in a jack-in-the-box when the bond of your relationship is weak.  The roles of home wreckers usually land in the title of ex wife, ex gf, male or female best friend that your spouse runs to when you argue or fight. This person is a go to person. A tempting game killer can also be someone who is probably successful and sexy as hell.  They are also coworkers, your spouses relatives or someone from school. Sometimes home wreckers strike because they are unhappy. They also tend to strike when your spouse goes off the market. Why? Simply because they feel they can and they don't care who they hurt. They don't really want your spouse, but they don't want you to have him/her either. My personal opinion is this... I think a home wrecker for any reason probably thinks your spouse was going to be single the rest of his or her life. Your spouses role in the home wrecker's mind was that your spouse was going to be single the rest of his or her life to be around and drool after them from afar. The home wreckers get shot back to reality when your spouse, who was not good enough to pursue, found someone who actually makes him/her happy. A home wrecker may start scheming to play games with your spouses head. A home wrecker could want your spouse to think your cheating all the while claiming you two are simply friends. A home wrecker wants to make sure your spouse looks like a raving, jealous lunatic while playing the role of an innocent angel. Ask yourself this... Yes you might have had a crush on this home wrecker and maybe you guys were indeed just friends. If the home wrecker wanted you, don't you think that this person would have made their play for you before you found the love of your life? Not only that, but everything seemed fine until the home wrecker started trying to be a tempter or a temptress. A home wrecker tends to show up in various places that either are related to your job, home or that regard your spouses life. You and your spouse question each other and because the home wrecker knows exactly what he or she is doing, their plans make them laugh. In their head they really think they have things running their way. The home wrecker might even spend time with an innocent bystander for two or three years waiting for you and your spouse to get divorced. When the two of you don't because you worked through your hurdles, then they kind of fade into the woodwork...because they know better!! **Cough*** cough** They better run!!:P


Game killers-This group of people at least from my life experience can be described as the person who love your spouse, but your spouse chose you.( In other words the possible one who got away). They can also the ones who would not mind wiping you off the map because it eliminates their competition. Game killers are the ones who might find you a threat because of envy or jealousy. Their life is miserable so they want to see you miserable too. They can be family such as parents, or grown children who don't like their step parents. They can be someone who was a mere acquaintance on Facebook that thought your spouse would end up with them but your spouse never went anywhere. This type of game killer could be dangerous because they might try to mock everything you or you spouse says and do.
This type of game killer might try to copy your ideas and even find out where you live. They might try to become like fatal attraction. Why some one would go through these extremes is beyond me. True story though. I knew someone who went through this type of predicament. This type of game killer reminds me of a dangerous sociopath. They make their friends think that all these copied ideas are because its part of their persona. Its not part of their persona though because game killers like this are like a camillian, changing colors to blend in to whatever fits the mood and usually just to do so. Another form of game killer is someone who falls under the category of you or your spouses nemesis. Of course the above personality descriptions are a form of nemesis, but these are people who look down on you or your partner.
The reason why you and your partner are looked down on by this group of people is because they think they are better than you in all forms possible. Better looks, more educated, better car...the list goes on and on. These game killers can fall under your wife or husbands sexy but horny friends, family or coworkers. They are always bragging or competing with both of you. These game killers tend to try to portray how perfect they are in comparison to you.  They usually don't have a conscience and do not care whose marriage they destroy. Its nothing for them to seduce someone's spouse. If you compete with them, these game killers are like emotional vampires feeding their ego with your psychic energy being drained. If you fall into their traps, its less energy you have to nurture your marriage. That being said I have more tips on what you can do to not let others steal your joy for any reason.


 My eBook can be found on Smashwords.com  I will also have a separate blog with related topics for this title. My blogs are not duplicate of my eBook chapters. They are supporting ideas, thoughts, and discussions. I also post when my new blogs are done on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. New eBook platforms will be coming soon. Thanks for dropping by and have a great night/evening. I am in Boise and its 3:55am. Talk at you later:)


COPYRIGHT 7/15/15 S.L. MELENDEZ

DATE, GET MARRIED AND RAISE A FAMILY WHEN YOU ARE PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY READY, NOT ON OTHER PEOPLES TIME CLOCK.

Every since I was between the ages of 18 years old on into present day, a lot of people have told me their parents wanted to see them get married and have a family of their own. The parents wanted them to be married possibly with kids, along with completing college. I said fine to each is his own. I know that getting married by a certain age goes way back through history. You were considered an old maid if you were not married by a certain age. You pretty much were considered damaged goods if you did not get married and have a kid by a certain age. Getting married and having a family is fine and dandy. I say good for people who are married with kids. My point is that I refuse to be defined by societies standards of what is acceptable. As I said in my previous blog The Pros and Cons of Dating, My boyfriend and I are working toward getting married. We hope to eventually have a kid. We refuse to do it on anyone's time clock in our personal life. I have never understood why some females rudely tell other females "Always a bridesmaid, never a bride! " That is a small pet peeve of mine. Its mean, its snarky  and judgmental. The bride saying it does not understand maybe just maybe the bridesmaid wants to find someone she is compatible with. The bridesmaid probably wants to find someone she won't divorce three months later after she got married. The bride should also realize that maybe the bridesmaid does not want to run off with the first guy that comes along. The bridesmaid probably does not want to find a dictator husband or wife(whichever the case maybe), because my eBook is dedicated to everyone regardless if they fall into the GLT category. I celebrate marriage equality. A lot of males and females wait until later in life to get married for various reasons. They don't get married until later because I have had some to have told me that they could not picture themselves with one person the rest of their lives. These individuals changed their mind about marriage when they actually decided to get married the time they did. I admit I had chances to get married before Dave but didn't. My reasons were because one, I was scared my marriage would somehow crumble and two, I felt I had nothing in common with guys of my past. I just felt it was not right. I did not have the frame of mind to want to. I wanted someone who was close to my match: Dave and I have a lot in common but compliment each other as well. I love that. I have had people to laugh at me because I don't have kids. I'm not going to melt or crumble because I want to have a stable foundation for my kids to grow up in. I want to give my children everything my parents were not able to give me. I want to teach them all the awesome, open minded life lessons they taught me. I want my kids and husband to be with me forever and we actually love and lean on each other. I don't want to be just another divorce statistic. My point I'm trying to make is that if your not married with kids, but you plan to get married and start a family, DO NOT succumb to the pressure of rushing into it. Do not feel like something is wrong with you because you wait until later to get married and raise children. Take those steps when you are good and ready.  Do not do so because someone is telling you its not normal to be a certain age and not have a family. This is my opinion and of course you can do what you want but peer pressure irks me a lot and probably does most people as well.  I hate when people feel like they have to do something because everyone else is doing it. Know that If your not married you are still good enough!! Strive to live your life to make yourself happy. Life is too short not to.  Of course your husband or wife's feelings matter too though. For more of my tips on getting married and raising a family on your own time frame,


Download a free copy of my eBook on Smashwords.com and use the code YJ59L       Have a good night/morning xoxo


Stay tuned... my next blog is: ONCE YOUR MARRIED LEAVE ALL THE EXES, HOMEWRECKERS AND GAME KILLERS ALONE IF POSSIBLE!


COPYRIGHT 7/14/15 S.L. MELENDEZ

THE PROS AND CONS OF DATING

There are a number of reasons why I wrote about dating. If your single and casually dating, it can be a long, complicated process. You are trying to get to know people while having a million questions going through your head. The questions running through your mind are probably regarding if a certain person is right for you. Other questions pertain to how you will fit that person in your life with everything and everyone else. I admit I used to become apprehensive introducing my partner to my friends and family. I was always scared that there might always be one person or a group that did not like my partner. I am sure most people might go through that same apprehension as well. It can be a very scary process. When I was single and dating before I met my boyfriend of five years, I was very emotionally guarded. I went on a number of dates. I quite frankly felt like I did not have anything in common with most of the guys. The chemistry was not there and I felt like I could not relate to them.  They seemed nice enough but I actually had people measure me up like I was not good enough. I know I am and I know my worth and value. My boyfriend and I are working our way toward the big milestone of getting married. I wanted to include the topic of dating along with the pros and cons just because I found it hard to do when I was single. Dating can be frustrating. It can be frustrating to the point where it makes people want to give up looking for someone all together. I was at that  very point right before I met my boyfriend. When people become frustrated with dating, its because they feel they will never find someone they are compatible with. People are probably looking for their one true love because I know I was. Some people date or settle with anyone just because they might be afraid of being alone. I consider being with someone so you don't be alone a con when it comes to dating. Again it goes back to recognizing your value and really figuring out what you want in a potential partner. If you don't know your value, you could set yourself up for mental abuse, manipulation, and being a doormat to people your involved with. When you begin dating, you have to have a backbone or at least attempt to have one. Setting standards and boundaries when dating are also a must. If you do not have standards and set boundaries it will eventually lead to unhappiness. If you are dating a number of people, and time after time it does not work out for a number of reasons don't give up. There is nothing wrong with you. Some people figure they are weird or strange and blame themselves for all of their failures. In reality it could be that you don't have chemistry with people. It might have to do with standards being too high. I have met people who say they wanted a husband but when they were introduced to a perfectly good suitor, the suitor was quickly shot down because of vanity reasons. I realize yes to a degree you have to find someone physically attractive, but looks are not 100% though. With me I measured people by their mind and heart first, then looks was close to last. I love intelligent people with a kind, compassionate heart. Lets just say the person who shot the suitor down did not even try to get to know the person at least to become friends with him. I'm sorry I just think its wrong! That brings me to the next point I wanted to make. When you are dating, you should not be quick to judge someone without getting to know them first. Even if it does not work, you always have a friend. On the other hand, when people date, they should not sit by the phone. They should live their life. Dating though is definitely important in getting to know someone you find interesting or intriguing. This is especially true if you are growing to love someone. For more of my dating tips and ideas, my book is full of my insight regarding dating. I am getting my Masters degree as a relationship and grief counselor. These are two fields I feel like I am destined to go into for many reasons. I hate when people die and they are hurting because of it. I also do not like to see people split up for petty reasons when the relationship can be fixed.(I support relationships that are full of lasting potential). If the relationships are toxic I say run for the hills! My book will be coming to Barnes & Noble soon. I will keep everyone posted on Facebook and Twitter.


COPYRIGHT 7/12/15 S.L. MELENDEZ

Self Esteem

I decided to write about self esteem in my eBook for a variety of reasons. Like people who have been or are being bullied now,  I have also met many people with self esteem issues both positive and negative. It does not help to live in a world where we are constantly being judged on how we look or how well we can perform with our mind and body. We are almost expected to be super human. I have met people who were working in fields that their parents approved of but they themselves did not like. The people I met that disliked their jobs were pressured to perform in that job at optimum performance and excellence. These unhappy people felt inadequate most of their life because of unwanted pressure being put on them. The same people were in their situation, because some of the professors in school told them the field they wanted to originally go to school for was too hard. The professors were basically calling them dumb and telling them they were not smart enough to go into their chosen field. I think this is uncalled for and why so many people probably hate their job. I have also met people who were told there was no money in the field they originally wanted to go to school in. Each persons self esteem was lowered because of being told these things and being made to feel as if they settled for  less. I worked with people who were very confidant with high self esteem. Their problem was they worked with mean, scrupulous, bias people that caused their self esteem to become lower. The people with high self esteem and very self assured were mentally picked apart for every reason possible. The bosses attitude seemed to be one of an ongoing bias toward the confidant people. Eventually the confidant people's self esteem took a nose dive. In 2005, I was going to write a children's book but because I was laughed at, I doubted myself at the time. Needless to say that was then and this is now. Eventually I probably will write one. Within the next five years I will be writing eBooks of various genres. I even have the genres picked out:) No this is not my only job. I am currently a student at Boise State University. I am majoring in Social work and Minoring in Psychology. I admit  I love Communications though so there is a chance that I could change my major. I decided to write my eBook because I am determine to reach out to people with my words. My messages in my eBook sincerely come straight from my heart. I also know that if I didn't take a chance and publish my eBook, I would regret not taking a chance in life and doing it. I had to do it because it was a strong yearning  I have had for a long time. The Self Esteem portion of my eBook is dedicate to anyone who has ever been told they were or are not good enough for any reason. Other people do not get to make that call about you. Never forget that! Different forms of media make a lot of people feel like they are unattractive or insignificant for a number of reasons. I have met people who were very attractive, with killer senses of humor and talent. Guess what? They thought they were ugly, dorky or lame when they had so many things going for them. As you can tell, I'm the person who meets people and automatically sees the beauty and good in everyone. Most of the time I turn a blind eye to people's faults because I prefer to have a humble, serene attitude. I feel like its not for us to judge and to each is his own. My point is, you are awesome and you are good enough! I decided to write about a lot of topics you might not hear about in other books. I see my eBook written in a way that is very unorthodox but I promise that's not a bad thing. I have learned a long time ago its cool to be different AND just to let you know, my eBook is one that takes you on a lot of twist and turns. I like to keep my audience guessing... my Preciouses:) COPYRIGHT 7/11/15 S.L.MELENDEZ

I HATE WHEN PEOPLE ARE BULLIED/ REASONS WHY I DEDICATED SECTIONS OF MY BOOK ABOUT THE SUBJECT

Hello!  I wrote some sections in my eBook about bullying. I am the type of person that I love talking to anyone and everyone. In middle school and high school I was bullied. I can imagine a huge number of people are. Bullying is one of my pet peeves. I love most people I come in contact with and I believe everyone should be treated equally. I have traveled to/through 32 states out of 50 states. I have had the opportunity to travel most of my life and I think that is probably why I love it so much. I have met so may people and they have told me stories about how they were bullied or where they were presently being bullied at the time we spoke. I see bullying as a terrible injustice that no person should have to endure. It breaks my heart and saddens me when people mistreat others. I was called fat, ugly, skank(though I was not). I was made fun of because I didn't have money. I had acne and  was teased even about how I wore my makeup. Okay so when I started it I looked like a cross between a tomato with  eyebrows and Mrs. Pumpkin head because I could not find a foundation that matched my skin. Now I only wear tinted moisturizer but its beside the point. I love different shades of lipstick and I wear my cloths, makeup and hair to satisfy myself and myself only. Once I graduated high school  vowed not to ever follow trends again. I liked being my own person. I had my makeup and clothing bloopers but guess what? Because I went through all of that back then, It made m take a vow not to ever make fun of anyone about anything. My parents and grandparents taught me and my siblings not to look down on anyone anyways but in general when I meet someone in my mind I always see them as my equal. Its one thing if your with your friends and playfully teasing them but someone making someone feel bad about themselves for any reason just because a person can is wrong and cruel! If I see a person being bullied I am quick to tell the person bullying someone to leave that person alone. Bullying bothers me so much that I decided to write a portion of this book about it and my way of handling it in my life experience. In my eBook I wanted drones of people to know that they do not have to take crap from people and that they are so much more better than that. Their lives are precious and time on this earth is precious. I hear a lot about people feeling so bad about themselves that they kill themselves! What if they were meant to do something on this earth and they didn't because of bullying? For people who read my book I tried to make my words so vivid and strong that they could almost feel my arms come out of the computer and give them a tight hug because I want them to feel like they mean something if not to anyone else to me!! I mean that to everyone who reads this blog.. that is how much agape love I have for people. This world is hard enough to live in without being cruel to one another. I don't know you but love you and humanity enough that I wanted to reach out to my audience and let you know you are important, and enough! I also wanted to share my thoughts of the different things I covered in my book. Each blog I post will be about a different subject in my book but it might be something totally different that's not related to my eBook at all. Until we meet again which will be very soon have a good night or morning.
COPYRIGHT 7/9/15 S. L. MELENDEZ

Amazon & Smashwords . .

My book is now available on both Amazon.com & Smashwords.com.
So click on the links and check it out.